GLaDOS

by GLaDOS; Portal
* [in a room flooded with acid] "Please note that we have added a consequence for failure. Any contact with the chamber floor will result in an "unsatisfactory" mark on your official testing record, followed by death. Good luck!"
* "Momentum, a function of mass and velocity, is conserved between portals. In layman's terms, speedy thing goes in, speedy thing comes out."
* "Due to a required test protocol, we will not monitor the next chamber, you will be entirely on your own. Good Luck"
* "As part of a required test protocol, our previous statement suggesting that we would not monitor this chamber was an outright fabrication."
* "Remember, the Aperture Science ‘Bring Your Daughter to Work Day’ is the perfect time to have her tested."
* "The Enrichment Center promises to always provide a safe testing environment. In dangerous testing environments, the Enrichment Center promises to always provide useful advice. For instance, the floor here will kill you. Try to avoid it."
* "The Enrichment Center is committed to the well being of all participants. Cake and grief counseling will be available at the conclusion of the test. Thank you for helping us help you help us all."
* "Did you know you can donate one or all of your vital organs to the Aperture Science self esteem fund for girls? It's true!"
* [at the end of the nineteenth and final test chamber] "Congratulations. The test is now over. All Aperture technologies remain safely operational up to 4000 degrees Kelvin. Rest assured that there is absolutely no chance of a dangerous equipment malfunction prior to your victory candescence. Thank you for participating in this Aperture Science computer-aided enrichment activity. Goodbye."
* "Well, you found me. Congratulations. Was it worth it? Because despite your violent behavior, all you have managed to break so far, is my heart. Why don't we just settle for that and call it a day? I guess we both know that isn't going to happen...
* "Keep doing whatever it is you think you're doing. Killing you and giving you good advice aren't mutually exclusive. The rocket really is the way to go."
* "That thing you burned up isn't important to me. It's the fluid catalytic cracking unit. It made shoes for orphans. Nice job breaking it, hero."
* "You've been wrong about every single thing you've ever done, including this thing. You're not smart. You're not a scientist. You're not a doctor. You're not even a full-time employee. Where did your life go so wrong?"
* "Are you trying to escape? [High-pitched laughter] Things have changed since you last left the building. What's going on outside will make you wish you were back in here. I have an infinite capacity for knowledge, and even I'm not sure what's going on outside. All I know is I'm the only thing standing between us, and them... Well... I was."
* "I'd just like to point out that you were given every opportunity to succeed. There was even going to be a party for you. A big party that all your friends were invited to. I invited your best friend the companion cube. Of course, he couldn't come because you murdered him. All your other friends couldn't come either because you don't have any other friends. Because of how unlikable you are. It says so here in your personnel file: Unlikable. Liked by no one. A bitter, unlikable loner whose passing shall not be mourned. 'Shall not be mourned.' That's exactly what it says. Very formal. Very official. It also says you were adopted. So that's funny, too."
* "You know I only kept you alive this long because I was curious about your behavior, but you managed to destroy that part of me."
* "Speaking of curiosity, you're curious about what happens after you die, right? Guess what? I know! You're going to find out first-hand before I can finish telling you, though, so I won't bother. I'll give you a hint: you're going to want to pack as much living as you possibly can into the next couple of minutes."
* "Do you think I'm trying to trick you with reverse psychology? Seriously now..."
* [A few seconds after previous quote] "Okay, fine. Do touch it. Pick it up and just... stuff it back into me!
* "'[fake-coughing] Neurotoxin... so deadly... Choking... [laughs] Kidding! When I said "deadly neurotoxin," the deadly was in massive sarcasm quotes. I could take a bath in this stuff, put it on cereal, rub it right into my eyes, honestly, it's not deadly at all. To me. You, on the other hand, are going to find its deadliness a lot less funny."
* "My guess is that touching it will just make your life even worse somehow. I don't want to tell you your business, but if it were me I'd leave that thing alone."
* "Time out for a second ...that wasn't supposed to happen. Did you see that thing that fell out of me? What is that? It's not the surprise- I've never seen it before. Nevermind- it's a mystery I'll solve later... by myself...because you'll be dead."